The Threat

London 11th August - A public school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick
Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference the Home Secretary said she believes the
man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. She did not identify the
man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of maths
instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," she said.
"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on
tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'x`
and `y` and refer to themselves as `unknowns,` but we have determined they
belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3
sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest the Prime Minister, speaking
from his holiday resort, said that if God wanted us to have better Weapons of
Maths Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."